I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
