ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
