She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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