i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
