I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
