walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
