I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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