RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
