also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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