people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
