my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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