I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
