Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
