My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I FOUND THE LEGS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
