Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
