K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
