No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
