my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
