my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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