Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
