That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
