just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
