I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
