Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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