He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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