my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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