Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize