just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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