Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
