Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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