Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
