that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish you could order shots online.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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