it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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