I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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