I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
