Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
