you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
