I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I look better un-naked...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
