The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
