i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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