I think my vagina is haunted
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
