So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
