and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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