I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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