My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
