Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
