so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
