HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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