he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
