I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
