I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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