If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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