i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
