I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
