If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
