i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
