butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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