community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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