I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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