I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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