Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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