we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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